This isn’t the first time I’ve written about this issue, but I was a lot more guarded and gentle about it in my last post on this matter.
I am currently in the process of removing a toxic friend from my life. This has been so hard. Especially since this friend is the queen of gaslighting while at the same time being a master of false compliments. To read more on gaslighting read this article.
I have fallen for her lies for far too long, fallen for her exaggerations of me, telling me how I need her and I can’t do things on my own. Telling me I’m a control freak for not letting her do things for me. I have allowed her to tell lies about me to other people. I have allowed her to put on a sense of false sympathy and ask around to make sure I’m okay when I seemed off to her, when I didn’t respond immediately to a text, or didn’t answer her phone calls. She has told people I won’t be attending events because I was on my death bed when I wasn’t. She has tried to destroy my relationship with my boyfriend for over a year and a half, and my friendships with other people, lying to me about my boyfriend, telling me things he’s done that have been so horrible and completely not true. And she has been telling my friends lies about me. If I have a success she tells people it’s because of her that I had that success.
I ignored so many signs, so many other people telling me to avoid this person, so many red flags because I thought maybe it’s just me. I felt special to her until I did something that set her off. And that isn’t okay. She would fill me with compliments and I would stay her loyal friend. It’s not okay to have a friend who doesn’t support you or love you. It isn’t okay to have a friend that makes everything entirely about themselves. It isn’t okay to have a friend who drags you down with them or hopes you stumble and fall back into an addiction.
I’m done with it, I’m in pain, I’m hurt, I feel betrayed and humiliated. I’m done with the sick sense of satisfaction she gets from using me. I thought I could be the bigger person and continue to love her and be her friend…but there comes a point where toxic friendships become so toxic they start to destroy pieces of what makes you…you. I began questioning everything I said and how I said it, questioning my morals, questioning everything. Trying to see if I was in the wrong. What did I do to make her hate me so much? But it wasn’t hate. It was her needing to control me, control how I perceived my friends, and control how my friends perceived me.
The problem was not me. The problem was her. This is not high school. We are all adults here, and I’m tired of this juvenile narrative she’s writing me into.
This has gone on for long enough and upon meeting with my psychiatrist for weeks about this exact problem I realize I was a victim. I let her turn me into a victim. She knew about my past, how I was in a horribly abusive relationship and how I blamed myself and she used the knowledge of my weakness to her advantage. I’m going to begin standing up for myself. I am so tired of being in this toxic friendship.
1 Corinthians 15:33
“Do not be deceived: Bad company ruins good morals.”
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Another fantastic article.
I ask that you join me in prayer as I continue on this journey to lovingly end a friendship that has harmed me. Pray for me to be honest with myself about how toxic a friendship with her is and to not fall back into her lies. I’m not as tough and strong as I wish I was.