Stop Putting Humans Where God Should Be

Okay so Rachel Hollis….

Let me preface what I am going to say with this: I own 2 of her books. I have not completely read them all the way through, I have cherry picked what I read from them and only read them on a situational basis. I do not listen to her TED Talks and before today I didn’t even know she was on TikTok and I didn’t realize that her book talking about her divorce was riddled with controversy. In fact, for my own reasons, I stopped following her all together once the news of she and Dave’s divorce broke out. This wasn’t necessarily an intentional decision, I just stopped following her after that.

Did I read her books as my Bible? Have I replaced the Bible with “Girl, Wash Your Face?” or “Girl, Stop Apologizing”? Absolutely not.

She is a human being. She is not God.

The disappointment and heartbreak that comes when a celebrity’s true colors are shown happens because we tend to place really cool and motivating humans where God should be in our lives. We see these people doing things we want to do or being the people we wish we could be and we put them in a high place of honor. Not just on our bookshelves but we place them on a pedestal in our lives. They don’t just hold a place of honor in our living rooms or our offices, they hold a place of honor in every aspect of our lives. We follow these people on every social media platform, we have their books, their clothes, their jewelry, we follow their diets and their lifestyles to a T in hopes that we will too someday be them. Is it a bad thing to be motivated by fellow humans? No, it isn’t. But it becomes a bad thing when we obsess over these humans and place them on a pedestal. That’s the problem.

Do humans make mistakes? Absolutely 100% yes. Did Rachel Hollis make a mistake? Oooooh yeah she did. She messed up. I won’t share everything she has done on my blog, I’m not even going to touch on what she has done. But I will say that her apologies need some work and her true colors have been exposed.

Do these recent developments and the exposure of Rachel Hollis mean I am going to burn her books in my backyard and spend a week mourning? No.

It does however mean that I am grateful that I did not allow myself to get swept up in the bandwagon that was the preaching’s of Rachel Hollis. I hope she makes a comeback and realizes the things she has done that are wrong. I hope she finds forgiveness and reconciliation in this situation. I am going to pray for her, and pray for her followers who are hurt right now. And I hope you do the same thing.

We can support one another and be motivated and encouraged by one another without attempting to be God to one another.

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God take this pain from me

I really just want to be at the whole clothed with strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future part of my life now please.

I don’t feel strong enough to survive this pain much longer.

Key word there being “I”, I guess.

God needs to be my strength. I need to let Him in and allow Him to cover me in His strength and comfort. Because the reality of all of this is that I’m weak and fragile and broken.

I tend to do everything I can to attempt to numb my hurt because being out of control and being in pain is killing me. And the more I can numb the pain the better I feel like I can survive my days.

But the attempts to numb the pain are actually emotionally crippling me to the point where I’m not healing, I’m not thriving, and I’m certainly not relying on God or giving control over to Him.

So I sit on the floor in my tears, post panic attack, and I’m begging God with the last few ounces of strength in my body….to be my strength and my comfort. So that I may move on to a period of healing and be able to help others heal and be in relationship with God.

Lord, take this devastation and brokenness and create something beautiful for You.

Chrissy Teigen’s Loss

Let me begin this post by saying I am a Pro-Life advocate and supporter. I have been following Lila Rose since she spoke at my college in 2012. And I appreciate that she has been posting to her pages about Chrissy Teigen’s loss. I don’t know her motives for posting. But I know that every time I see a post regarding their loss I can pray for her and other mama’s who have lost babies.

There is an unhealthy and toxic mindset saturating the comments of Lila’s posts and Chrissy’s posts. Comments that she should not feel pain for this or grieve the loss of her son or she deserves this because in the past she has supported abortion and she is Pro-Choice.

Now, I could totally be wrong, but the Jesus I follow would have mourned with Chrissy. He would not be bringing up her faults or past ignorance. He would be sad for her and with her.

Why aren’t we more like Jesus? Why are we slamming her and condemning her during this time of mourning? Instead of hating her…pray for her. We are not called to like everyone but we are called to love them.

Tea Time

How easy is it to settle into the comforts of tea time. I’m not talking about the traditional across the pond time of day to sip tea and nosh on tiny sandwiches…I’m talking about sharing gossip.

We feed off of what others are sharing about others. The gossip may even come in the form of a prayer request…”So and so is really struggling with [fill in the blank] we really need to pray for them!” Is such an easy, and seemingly innocent way to spread gossip.

If the information is not ours to share, we really shouldn’t be sharing it. We shouldn’t be getting enjoyment from sharing other peoples dirt, but we do. Spilling the tea is addicting and it’s toxic.

How do we stop? How do we stop what has become a societal norm? Pray. Be mindful of what you’re listening to and what you are sharing. Intentionally work towards keeping your mouth shut when it should be shut. And encourage those around you to do the same.

Our encouragement to not spill the tea could be as easy as not indulging in what others are gossiping about, or politely removing yourself from the conversation. It doesn’t need to be rude or condemning or start a holier than thou fight.

Be mindful that what you’re sharing is yours to share and will contribute to the conversation in a positive way.

Easier said than done? Absolutely. But with practice we can crush the desire to gossip!

Judgements

I’m so guilty of living a life that I’ve judged others for living. Living a life filled with sin and moments of straying from my walk with God. Yesterday I was called out on my judgement of what others wear, while not necessarily following the modesty guidelines I’ve set for myself. It’s hot so I’m wearing less clothing and not really caring if I’m showing too much skin because I justify what I’m wearing with the unbearable weather. While at the same time judging a fellow Christian for wearing something similar to what I’m wearing.

It isn’t right. I’m judging. I’m living a life that could be a stumbling block to someone else. I am not living in a way that honors the Lord or represents my ministry well. I’m being a major hypocrite by living with so many double standards.

So I’m grateful for being called out on my hypocrisy. And I’m grateful for this morning’s sermon talking about living a life that not filled with judgement but filled with the love and principles of Christ. Being a Christian without being nasty and judgemental, not being a Pharisee.

Let’s continue this journey together by holding each other accountable using the love of Christ.

Lord, Be My Strength

Anyone who has depression understands the disconnect from responsibility that happens far too often. During these lows you neglect tasks that need to be done because you can’t even begin to think about getting out of bed or doing anything that might require a thought process. There is a total shut down that happens. And I encourage that behavior. I despise it. But I allow it. I enable it for as long as I need to. But I am so done with that mindset. I’m furious with myself for becoming this person who gives in to their mental illness. I live my life in a constant state of anxiety, denial, and disconnect. And I’m done.

Important mail piles up, piles pile up, laundry doesn’t get done, my floor becomes a pathway of items instead of a floor. The house can be completely clean and dishes need to be done…but I can’t function enough to keep my own room organized. My room becomes a direct product of my depression.

I’m breaking up with my depression. I’m breaking up with avoiding my psychiatrist. I’m breaking up with the inability to keep my life together. This week is the beginning of the new me. I am NOT my depression. I am NOT my anxiety. Or my PTSD. I am Kait. I am a daughter of God. I am a fully capable woman who can handle life without giving in to my diagnosis. Not only handle life but dominate it. And not because I am strong. Not because I am able. I’m not. I am fully aware of my own shortcomings, trust me. But I can do all things through God who gives me strength.

I will start my day talking with the Lord, and continue my day talking with Him. I will get ahead of this illness. I will take my meds. I will meet with my psych on a regular basis. I will not give in to the behaviors of my illnesses. I refuse to be that person. It is not who I am.

Honesty

I’m hard wired to put others before myself. To a fault.

My automatic response to “How are you?” is to immediately respond with “I’m fine.” and change the topic to the other person. I’m probably not fine. I’m most likely swimming in a sea of spastic thoughts that can’t contain or regulate themselves. But I can’t let you know that, and I certainly can’t let you in.

It’s a disorganized mess in here. It’s chaos. It’s negative. It’s ugly. I can control what parts you see by never letting you in. I have it down to a science.

This brings me to honesty. It’s crucial in a relationship. You fundamentally need honesty and trust. They go hand in hand. I trust that my partner will be honest and open with me. And he expects the same of me.

I haven’t been that honest and open person in my relationship. I automatically hide my emotions and feelings and thoughts if I think they are going to cause a fight because I’m hurt about something I haven’t communicated to him or what I am feeling would cause my partner to be hurt. But in doing this, I have only been hurting him more. With each “I’m fine.” I have been building a wall. Layer after layer, lie after lie. I have been building a wall between us. We can’t function with this wall between us. It’s an impossible task that can’t work unless I let him in.

So begins my journey to honesty. Honesty with my partner. Honesty with myself. I will tear down this wall that I built and cultivate trust in my relationship.

Ephesians 4:25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all one body. 

Luke 6:31 Do unto others as you would have them do to you. 

Proverbs 12:22 The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.

 

Surrender

I have held it together for so long I forget what it means to not put on a façade. I hold it together until my breathing is shallow and quick and the walls close in around me and I’m on the floor in a panic attack. I hold it together so the outside world doesn’t know that inside I’m a ball of crippling anxiety and depression.

Holding it together isn’t what God is asking of me. He isn’t asking for perfection. He is asking for surrender.

I’ve been drowning for years in a state of constant struggle for perfection. Hiding what is really going on because no one can know that every aspect of my life isn’t held together and everything isn’t perfectly in it’s place. And I’m going to die as completely tense and panic filled as I lived if I do not learn to surrender my thoughts, my actions, my way of living, my everything…to the Lord.

I don’t want to die in these waters.

I’m ready to surrender.

Grace

The other night I felt so defeated in my sin. I allowed myself to feel overwhelmed and suffocated by shame. Instead of turning to God and relinquishing the control I hold on to so tightly, I clung to my sin.

The thought of never being able to conquer this sin left me feeling like a failure. Like a wall was up between God and I. I told God He couldn’t use me until I defeated this part of me. I told Him I was unusable and ruined. And that’s not the case. Me telling Him He can’t use me is pointless because He will use me if He wants to use me. 

If we had to wait to be used by God until we were perfectly pure and sinless – we would be waiting forever. God exposes our sins and uses us right where we are. I need to remember that Satan wants me to feel isolated in my sin. God can use me and He is using me. Right where I am. Sin and all.

Don’t be content to be forgiven and forget. Your past is unique God-given baggage for carrying the Gospel to other. – Marshall Segal 

Don’t let the enemy use your history to distract you from your destiny. – Lisa Bevere

Just because we are tempted does not mean we are our temptations. – Jackie Hill Perry

Shame

I live in this constant fear that my sin will be exposed. You can know my testimony…just not those parts. You can see the ugly sides of me that I let you see…just not those sides. 

I’ve come to realize that some sins seem to be more acceptable than others. Some sins are seen as ‘well you’re human so you’re going to have those sins’. And other sins are seen as utterly heinous and unforgivable in the church. There’s this unspoken idea that to admit we have lied or said the Lord’s name in vain is to be expected, but anything else is to be kept hidden. How could anyone love the Lord and follow Him and have thoughts like that?!

So those sins stay secret. Those sins fester and grow because to expose them to the public would be an instant regrettable offense. The shame is overwhelming. I don’t want to be this way. I don’t know why these thoughts and desires manifest inside of me but they do. 

How can God use me when this sin is a burden getting in the way of my walk. Why can’t I just get over it and expose it and not allow it to overwhelm me anymore? 

Instead, it taunts me …torments me …tells me I am never going to get past this. This is the sin I carry. I feel like such a failure.