Life with Chronic Pain

I am in pain every single day. Some days are worse than others, some days I only notice it if I decide to stand up for more than a few minutes. But every day to some degree I’m in constant pain.

I’ve had doctors say they don’t believe me, tell me I’m just looking for drugs. I’ve had doctors tell me I’m too young to be in pain. I’ve had doctors tell me the pain in my spine, the spine I’ve broken numerous times, is made up. Even though there’s imaging proof for the pain slipping into my spinal chord and a fracture that didn’t heal well…the pain is made up.

But the other day a doctor listened to me. And now I’m starting on medication to help not just my nerve pain but also my musculoskeletal pain as well. To say I’m overjoyed about this would be an understatement.

My pain causes me to lose patience with my ability to function, it causes me to be easily irritable, and sometimes it becomes too overbearing and can’t help but just sob for awhile. I get extremely upset with myself because of how much I hurt on a daily basis.

But a doctor listened to me. She listened to me about my mental health and the concerns I have with my current medication regimen. She listened to me about my ehlers danlos. She listened to me about my heart diagnoses. And I felt heard. For the first time in many years, I felt like a doctor actually cared. I felt like she was on my side.

I am so excited God put this doctor in my life. And I’m thrilled to start this new medication. I’m looking forward to minimal pain days and I couldn’t be more excited.

If you’re living your chronic life desperately seeking treatment and someone to listen to you…don’t give up! Good doctors are out there…they’re just hard to find sometimes.

Sweet Victory

I don’t remember what it’s like to live life without chronic pain and fatigue or the ability to breathe through my nose. I know I have it made compared to some people. Hell, I have it made compared to my brother. But I’m still sick and I still have to look at this face every day. I refuse to give in though and just lay around all day. As much as I want to, I will always work twice as hard to reach my goals. I thank the Lord they were able to diagnose me but I just need a day of relief.

The song Sweet Victory by Trip Lee is one of those songs I can’t get through without breaking down and sobbing uncontrollably. It is so relatable to my situation and everyone else’s who is dealing with auto immune diseases, genetic diseases, organ diseases the after effects of cancer, etc. Video and lyrics below.

The YouTube Video

I feel thorns where my crown was

(I be weak but I’m alive)

From the dusk until dawn yeah

(I’ll survive ’cause I got) sweet victory

Nobody can take it from me sweet victory

‘Cause I got (sweet victory) yeah

You see me limpin’

I know you see me limpin’

You can’t tell on these CD’s but bro I’m knee deep in it

I’m waiting in my weakness he may be deep in it

I be lyin’ through my teeth to say I don’t resent it

Even as I right these lines I’m close to tears

Body ain’t be workin’ right for 7 years

So miss me with that keep your chin up try to smile

Bro I’m 26 I should feel better by a mile

Keep all your anecdotes and cute quotes

I’ll pass some clichés for true hopes it too dope

I feel thorns where my crown was

(I be weak but I’m alive)

From the dusk until dawn yeah

(I’ll survive ’cause I got) sweet victory

Nobody can take it from me sweet victory

‘Cause I got (sweet victory) yeah

Toast to the King

Cheers to the ceiling

Feeling good we gon’ make it to the finish (sweet victory)

You hear me

Holla if you feel me

Yeah we still runnin’ even though we limpin’ (sweet victory)

‘Cause we winnin’, yeah we know we winnin’

Even though we’re winnin’ we’re still in it (sweet victory)

‘Cause we winnin’, yeah we know we winnin’

Now we livin’ (sweet victory)

They see me on the stage

They like that boy the man

They hear play on them songs

They clappin’ in them stands

They like “I bet you got a lot of good stuff from other bands”

So when I say it’s been a few hard years they think I’m playin’

But you don’t know my life boy

You don’t know my life boy

You don’t know what it’s been like on my wife

Don’t know my fight boy

Being in the trenches steady tryna’ fight my foes

And when I couldn’t fight no more it brought me low, low

It brought me low I know can’t bet it low

I feel thorns where my crown was

(I be weak but I’m alive)

From the dusk until dawn yeah

(I’ll survive ’cause I got) sweet victory

Nobody can take it from me sweet victory

‘Cause I got (sweet victory) yeah

Toast to the King

Cheers to the ceiling

Feeling good we gon’ make it to the finish (sweet victory)

You hear me

Holla if you feel me

Yeah we still runnin’ even though we limpin’ (sweet victory)

‘Cause we winnin’, yeah we know we winnin’

Even though we’re winnin’ we’re still in it (sweet victory)

‘Cause we winnin’, yeah we know we winnin’

Now we livin’ (sweet victory)

They like I here you talkin’ wins but I see your losses

You celebratin’ crowns but I see your crosses

That’s the paradox that don’t fit in your Mary box

You might not understand if you walk in this pair of socks

The Victor ain’t the one that’s winnin’ seventh inning

Trophies don’t go to the ones that got a good beginning

When I say I win I don’t mean the state I’m in

I mean that day when the grace got fade out then

I’m winning ’cause I ran with Him

The crown of thorn

Declares your King

A scarlet robe can’t cloak Your majesty

They nailed Your hands

You mailed our death

From the cross You reigned

Your Kingdom knows no end

Oh, Jesus

You won it all

Oh, Jesus

Victorious

Oh, Jesus

You won it all

Oh, Jesus

Victorious

Oh, Jesus