Even If

There have been two songs swimming through my brain for the past two weeks. Usually when I am stressed out I neglect my time with God in a huge way, which causes more stress! I think my brain knows this so it plays two songs on repeat. Even If by Mercy Me, and Reckless Love by Cory Asbury. Two powerful songs. Encouraging. Uplifting. And much needed.

Yesterday I had a breakdown. I was thinking about everything all at once and I couldn’t breathe. My chest was weighed down and my breathing was panicky. One line kept playing through my brain louder than my doom filled thoughts, they say it only takes a little faith to move a mountain, well good thing a little faith is all I have.

I opened Spotify and put the song on repeat. Within five seconds I was sobbing. Weeks of pent up bitterness and anxiety and frustration and pain flooded out of me as I tried to sing the words too. I don’t think my word were audible at all but I know He heard them loud and clear.

Like the prodigal son returning to his fathers arms I clung to those lyrics like I was holding onto the Lord with all the strength I had left in me. I struggle to hold steadfast in my faith when the waves are crashing down all around me. But this song reminds me He has me covered, even if things don’t go my way, even if the struggles endure, He has me.