Grace

The other night I felt so defeated in my sin. I allowed myself to feel overwhelmed and suffocated by shame. Instead of turning to God and relinquishing the control I hold on to so tightly, I clung to my sin.

The thought of never being able to conquer this sin left me feeling like a failure. Like a wall was up between God and I. I told God He couldn’t use me until I defeated this part of me. I told Him I was unusable and ruined. And that’s not the case. Me telling Him He can’t use me is pointless because He will use me if He wants to use me. 

If we had to wait to be used by God until we were perfectly pure and sinless – we would be waiting forever. God exposes our sins and uses us right where we are. I need to remember that Satan wants me to feel isolated in my sin. God can use me and He is using me. Right where I am. Sin and all.

Don’t be content to be forgiven and forget. Your past is unique God-given baggage for carrying the Gospel to other. – Marshall Segal 

Don’t let the enemy use your history to distract you from your destiny. – Lisa Bevere

Just because we are tempted does not mean we are our temptations. – Jackie Hill Perry

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His Grace

The grace and mercy of God is unbelievably overwhelming. Looking back on all of my mistakes, sins, and regrets I would never expect God to use me how He is. I am serving Him in student ministry as a life group leader for senior girls, in children’s ministry as a preschool teacher, and now starting up the young women’s ministry. It’s so exciting. I feel incredibly unworthy to be so involved in ministry for the Lord.

God knows my past, He knows everything I’ve said and done and He still loves me and still uses me. I’m beyond blessed.

You are never ever too far gone for God. There is no such thing as being too far gone. He met me where I was. Rock bottom, cursing Him, never wanting to step foot in a church again. I told myself I was unworthy of joy, unworthy of a life serving Him, unworthy of having a relationship with anyone who loved the Lord. And here I am today – I strive to find my joy in the Lord, I try to serve Him every day, and my relationship is centered around God.

His love covers all. It covers a multitude of sins. Don’t listen to the lies that tell you that you’re used and ruined or too far gone. You’re not. God has a purpose for you.

 

 

Love > Bitterness

Lysa TerKeurst has been through the wringer. Satan has attacked her and her family because she is allowing God to work through her and use her. She has been strong through it all and so filled with the grace and love of Christ. 

I strive to get to the place where my circumstances will not destroy my relationship with God or my mood. Even a little bit. I pray that God will use my pain and suffering and trials and that I won’t become hardened and bitter. 

Her circumstances over the past few years would have left me bedridden and destroyed. The ultimate human rejection. I don’t think my bounce back from that heartbreak would be filled with as much understanding and grace as hers was. I don’t know what her time of mourning looked like after finding out of her husband’s infidelity but I know that how she wrote about it and used the pain to showcase the love of Christ was monumental and incredible. Truly a mirror image to the love of our Lord. 

She is a representation of beauty from ashes. Learning from her pain. Growing and building her relationship with God despite her grief. What Satan meant for destruction the Lord used for good. The forgiveness and grace for her husband is huge and beautiful. Their love for each other and the rebuilding of what was broken is just such a testament to God’s love. 

I want to hug her so tightly and thank her for her testimony. I pray the Lord can work on my heart and soften it so that I pour out love instead of bitterness. 

Isaiah 41:1 God is our refuge and strength. A very present help in trouble. 

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

Isaiah 43:2 When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. 

GRACE!

Oh How He Loves Me!

Praise the Lord. I received a call this morning from my insurance company regarding the lawsuit against me. I politely interrupted him and gave him my moms name and number. I cannot handle it any longer. Ended the call with him and within a few minutes get a call from my mom. THEY DROPPED THE LAWSUIT. What?! SERIOUSLY?! I won’t have to go to a million court dates. I won’t have to get a lawyer. I won’t have to try and find thousands of dollars that I do not have. They dropped the lawsuit.

Oh Heavenly Father I struggled to praise You through that storm but I cried out to you mercilessly. I felt helpless over those countless nights laying awake filled with anxiety and frustration but You were there. You saw me through it. You held me through it all. You knew the outcome. You probably shook Your head at me as I shook with anxiety and frustration. I worried. I panicked. I cried a lot. I haven’t slept. But You knew what was going to happen. Your grace through my stupidity is immeasurable.

 

Phew. Lord. Your grace is fantastic, it is undeserved, it is beautiful, and in my life it is oh so necessary. I struggle big time with falling on my knees at the cross and handing my worries over. I choose 9 times out of 10 to stay in control and hold on to all of the anxieties that drag me down. Where would I be without You?