I’ve struggled through some frustrating medical problems most of my life. Not nearly as much as my brother has, but mine have seemed to become more severe as I’ve gotten older.
I am still dealing with the aftermath of my skin disease, and auto-immune disease triggered by stress that only about 50 people have ever been diagnosed with. According to the surgeons and doctors at the Hospital at University of Pennsylvania, I was the worst case they’d ever seen.
I scheduled a doctors appointment just to get more specialists figured out. I need a new gastrointestinal doctor and surgeon. One who isn’t going to take organs out or give me pills to rebuild my esophogus instead of finding answers to a 20+ year old problem. And I need a new cardiologist, orthopedic surgeon, endocrinologist, dermatologist, and OBGYN. The list seems endless and frustrating. But I’m determined to feel better and get answers.
It isn’t fun waking up puking every single morning. It isn’t fun having a constant fever. Or a heart beat that won’t return to 55 but stays at a horrible 120-175BPM. I want to be able to eat something without feeling like I’m going to die afterwards. And the migraines are getting really old. I don’t know how my mom deals with them so much but they flat out suck.
I want to enjoy life and be healthy and be able to work my butt off for the Lord. And I can’t keep functioning at 100% because I’m exhausted fighting all of this all of the time. I can’t help people the way I want to when I’m this sick all the time. Please pray for me as I attempt to…yet again…find answers and healing.
Josh’s lesson with the youth praise team, as well as an in-depth conversation with one of the member’s of the praise team afterwards, inspired this blog post. I’m sure you’ve seen the Skit Guy’s video God’s Chisel – if you have not here is the link.
The video portrays God taking a chisel to a guy who is struggling with his sins…and he isn’t exactly welcoming the changes to his life. The changes, the cutting out sin, the moving on from our old ways and living for God…it’s a process that is filled with mourning and pain. Giving up control isn’t easy. Quitting sins, allowing God to transform us, it isn’t easy. We cling to our sins, they can be a source of stress relief, and they can be comforting, and feel familiar.
When we actually look at ourselves and fail to see God’s craftsmanship it can be a lonely place. Hiding away completely ashamed of ourselves is lonely. We are either going away from God or closer to Him. There is no standing still. There is no lukewarm. So when we find comfort in our sins, in attempting to control our own lives instead of turning from our sins and living for God…we are moving away from Him.
I should rewatch that video each week simply for the intense and much-needed conviction it brings on.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God. Romans 12:2
If you obey the commandments of the Lord your God that I command you today, by loving the Lord your God, by walking in His ways, and by keeping His commandments and His statutes. Deuteronomy 30:16
Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31
Casting all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7